European Correspondant/staff writer for www.cyclingshorts.cc
Friday, 4 January 2013
The Tour of Sufferlandria 2013!
From David McQuillenan and his Orc minions at Sufferfest Studios comes ...
THE TOUR OF SUFFERLANDRIA: 9 DAYS OF SUFFERING
I'm going for it in the knowledge that all this suffering will rid me of Die Weihnachtsmärkte jelly belly (and lardy legs) & prepare me well for the horrors of the Ronde van Vlaanderen and the rest of the Spring events. To help you track down the training films - or should that be stages - just click on each one to be taken the heart of Sufferlandria and the cell of screams that houses each beast. The rest of the text is taken straight from the jaws of hell... www.thesufferfest.com.
Never forget... Many may enter... but few emerge unchanged ... if at all!
They say that the Tour of Qatar isn't hard enough. There are murmurs that the Tour Down Under, even though harder than before, still isn't terribly difficult. Rumour has it that the Tour de San Luis in Argentina is little more than a tourist trip and even Europe’s early season races have become simple warm-ups for the rest of the season.
That’s all changing thanks to a new race sponsored by the Sufferlandrian Tourist Bureau. Slotting in nicely to the UCI calender of early season races, the Tour of Sufferlandria was created to bring back the drama, agony and misery that the early season peloton deserves. Starting on January 26th, the 9 day event promises to turn even the softest rider into a true Sufferlandrian by the end, on Feb 3rd.
Sunday, Feb 3rd: Local Hero (Time Trial & Race, 85 mins)
According to Grunter von Agony, race director, “The course is carefully balanced between agony, misery and despair. So, yes, the Tour of Sufferlandria is a worthwhile target for anybody looking for an early season goal. You really ought to have some solid training behind you before you start it, and you’ll surely go through a roasting in hell during the race. When you come out the other side? With a solid 9 days of effort behind you, you will be able to take an ox, tie him to your bike, drag him up and over Mt. Sufferlandria while he tries to run the other way, and drink a flagon of ale made from the bikes of all those you crushed on your way to a glorious victory. Or the Minions will eat you for lunch. But, whatever.”
More from David: More details to come in the days and weeks ahead. But, in short, to join the ToS, you must simply commit to following the schedule above and ride yourself into the ground each day. Join the community on our Facebook page for inspiration in those dark moments between stages to hear stories of HONOR GLORY AND VICTORY. Those who complete and register their 9 days with our partner,TrainerRoad.com, will be be eligible for daily prizes and thrown into a pool of prizes from the ‘fest, TrainerRoad and others at the end of the event.
I'll use this Tour as a chance to get to know TrainerRoad - as I've never used it beofre. In case your're interested I'll also be logging the ride on the Garmin and uploading HR, cadence & kCal stats to Strava.