Thursday, 19 June 2014

Nicky's Quest for Sufferlandria Knighthood: 21st June 2014

Saturday 21st June, 2014

My initial plans of 10 Sufferfest Training Videos were small, far, far too small...

How can I keep myself motivated for 11-13 hours (well, riding a bike whilst listening to a physics book usually does it)?

How can I go the extra mile to support Mike and Marie Curie Cancer Care?

How can I prevent the men in white coats from taking me away?


The Spinal Tap of quests - we ride up to 11!

Eleven Sufferfest indoor cycling videos, drawn from a cap, ridden back-to-back and with the added excitement of a red herring card that would, if drawn, add an extra video to my quest - perhaps we can arrange for the Sufferfest Training Video to be chosen by the most generous donor?

My chosen rides - and the Red Herring of Doom!
How have I prepared for such lunacy, I hear you gasp?... Paris-Roubaix and The Retro Ronde van Vlaanderen to name but two - thanks to the brilliant team at Go4Cycling.

Leading the bunch through the Arenburg trench in 2014

And so it begins ...
 I shall commence my quest with 'There Is No Try' as it's Yoda-esque message is clear...

All folded and ready to inflict pain and suffering!
My Pain Cave Set Up...

Bike: Serotta Ottrott SE (beautifully put together by the excellent Cyclefit.)
Trainer: Kurt Kinetic Rock & Roll (1st generation) + Front wheel riser

Software: TrainerRoad 

Hardware: Garmin Speed/Cadence sensor, Garmin ANT stick, Garmin Edge 800 (for Strava), Garmin heart rate chest strap.

Equipment: Fan + open window, Kinetic trainer mat, towel drip catcher (x1), small towels (x4), chamois cream!

Kit: four sets of bib-shorts and jerseys are ready for a rapid change every 2-3 video transitions. The Dark Side kit will be held in reserve for the final two videos!

Avocado wraps - to be nibbled throughout.
Chia seeds in water with fresh lime juice and honey - drunk every few hours.
Pasta or rice in home-made Arrabiata pesto with turkey pieces - to be eaten at two or three sittings.
Several bidons of fresh tap water with a dash of lime and, should the need arise, a Nuun electrolyte tab.

On stand-by: a bath half full of cold water - I may well leap in mid-ride for a minute or two and WILL plunge in and wallow in pleasure should I succeed!

Ordered for 9 pm delivery: A delicious fire/oven baked pizza from our local, utterly wonderful, Pizzeria. My first of 2014!

Start Time: 07:00 - 08:00 AM (if the sleepy-head family let me!) The rules allow for a ten-minute transition between videos - to change, stretch, eat, scream, reset TrainerRoad, etc.

What on earth are you doing again? Read on for a disturbing glimpse into the minds of the Sufferfest Overlords...

A screen-cap from what lies ahead - I LOVE the cobbles!
a teaser video from a Downward Spiral (my favourite.)

There are at least 11 1/2 hours of Training Videos on this most noble of quests, with one more to be added by YOU... as stated I will sally forth with...

 1 hour of accelerating intervals

Then, in no particular order. I shall slay - in the most humane fashion of course,...

2 hours of endurance and climbing

1 hour of Maximum intensity intervals that gradually decrease in duration

58 minutes of circuit race simulation

62 minutes of threshold work & climbing

48 minutes of  a pure, attacking, climbing, fighting Tour de France stage

51 minutes of sustained, repeated high-intensity intervals.

100 minutes of 3 mixed interval blocks plus other goodies!

45 minutes of repeated 1 min maximum intensity intervals with 1 min recovery between each.

75 minutes of stage racing in the Tour of Sufferlandria!

PLUS... one additional block of suffering to be chosen by YOU!*

CLICK HERE to see the videos on offer and leave your choice in the comment box below.
Deadline 5pm Saturday 21st June.

Tis a pure and just quest, I ride not for myself...

... But for such a very important and worthwhile cause - my friend, Michael Hughes's, and his epic, nay legendary, attempt to raise £19 000 for Marie Curie Cancer Care.

Sponsorship Link

Please add the message: Nicky's Sufferlandria Knighthood Quest, or words to that effect.
Michael's Story...
When my Mum was dying last year, on her last night the nurse was so caring. When I thanked the nurse, she just told me that I was there through love but she was getting paid. The £20 that pays for an hours care is the most worthwhile £20 you will spend.
I am doing this ride in memory of my Mum, Patricia Hughes.
I'll be writing my Mum's name on the handlebar tape of my bike when I ride as part of the Marie Curie Cancer Care, Power Peloton on the first stage of the Tour de France on Saturday 5th July. If you want me to ride in memory of your Mum, or any other loved one you have lost, just post their name here in the messages section with a small donation to this wonderful charity.
This is by far the toughest fundraising task I have ever set myself. I will be riding the route of the first stage of the Tour de France only hours ahead of Froome, Cavendish and the rest of the professional riders. The route is 190km long with nearly 3000 metres of climbing. Together with the other riders in the Power Peloton we will have to keep at least 3 hours ahead of the main field. No time for a break then!
It will be worth it though. £19,000 is a big ask but this will pay for a Marie Curie nurse for 12 months. Please think of your donations and how much good they will do. £20 pays for an hours care, £180 pays for care overnight, and £1,000 will pay for the total care of a relative and their family.
Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving – they’ll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they’ll send your money directly to the charity. So it’s the most efficient way to donate – saving time and cutting costs for the charity.

Please spread the word - we need your hard earned pounds, dollars and Euros if we are to help those suffering from cancer and if I am to achieve the distant dream of Knighthood and the much coveted - and my only physical reward - Excaliber of decals...

From the Quest of the Sufferlandrian!*
Uprose they for the Quest--the bounding men (and women!)
Of the siege perilous, and the granite ring--
They gathered at the rock, yon ruddy tor;
The stony depth where lurked the demon-god, 
Till Gunther, the mighty Master, drave him forth.
On Saturday, we ride!

Listen to Marcel... Obey!
With huge thanks to all for your advice, support and generosity - the world will be a better place for all!

'Nicky' Dey

PS... Sir Dave M, minion-in-chief, does this gain me citizenship?

* From, well sort of, The Quest Of The Sangraal
By Robert Stephen Hawker (sorry Bob!)


  1. Oops, Sorry Editor! A full report of this quest and ALL the Sufferfest Training Videos will appear very soon on

  2. REVOLVER at 11. No question. End with the Big Dog.